Let go of Control.

We have a rental car on this trip.

Going on 6 days traveling now.

But, I have been the only one driving it.

Due to control.

I don’t want to let go.

Fear.

It always comes back to FEAR!

Thinking I am better.

But, I backed into a trash bin yesterday.

Ahhhhh.   ERGH!!!  WTF!

Crazy!

What was I thinking?

Well, I wasn’t thinking.

Travel companion is allowed to drive, but I have not done it.

Over Controlling on my part.

I want to look and be better.

But, obviously that is not the case.

What’s the worse that he will do?

Surely NOT hit a trash bin!!

“Here, you drive!”

14 hours to travel across the globe.

Different culture!
Look at That!
Oh WOW!
How Exciting!
This place is Awesome!

Day 1.
This Place is Awesome.

Day 2.
This Place is Awesome.

Day 3.
This Place Sucks.
I want to go home.
Plus, I am tired.

Can’t communicate.
Different people.
Too many tourists.
Overrun.
Hot.
Crowded.
Windy.
Lonely.
Hungry.
Tired.
Angry.
At least it is sunny.

I need a nap.

Sugar is bad.
Carbs are bad.
Sweets are bad.
Candy is bad.
Soda is bad.
Coke is bad.
Dairy is bad.
Meat is bad.
Bread is bad.
Coffee is bad.
Chips are bad.
Cake is bad.
Donuts are bad.

Everything is BAD!
Everything is bad, they say.

What is good?

Vegetables.
Vegetables are good.
Vegetables are good, they say.

Blah.

Vegetables are bad!
No one wants Vegetables.

What do THEY know?

I am going to get a donut.

Focus.

My attention span is worse that a 2 and ½ year old at the moment.

Or, Like a squirrel running around.

Over here.
Over there.

Over here.
Over there.

Over here.
Over there.

What’s this?
Oh, What’s that?

Head in Spinning!

I should check linkedin.  I don’t even have a corporate job!  Why am I doing this???

Last week, my computer was broken and in for repairs for over a week.
A forced technology fast.
But, now I am back where I was before.

All over the place.  Mentally at least.

What if?
What if?
What if?

Too many WHAT IF’s!

Too many distractions.

Time to turn it all OFF.

And FOCUS!

Fear.
Resentment.
Anger.
Worry.
Strife.
Envy.
Jealousy.

I want to write.
But what is the point? 

What’s the point?
What’s the point?
What’s the point?

That is the question. 

What is the POINT?
No one cares.
Nothing matters.

I genuinely want to write.
But does it even matter?

All I get is negative feedback.

Nothing I do matters anyway.
Self defeating.
Self Destructive.
Self Pity.

What, I can’t say that?
They say I can’t say that.
But who is they?

I attract what I say and think.
At least that is what THEY say.
But again, who is THEY?

I don’t want that.
I don’t want negativity.

Stay Positive!

Growth hurts.

Let’s GO!
HURRY UP!
Get it done!

Or as my former co-worker says….. Get it DID!

Hurry.
Hurry.
Hurry.

Always in a Hurry.

Ain’t nothing like a time crunch to get the HUSTLE going.

MOVE IT!
Time to make it Happen!

Wait….

Hold On.  

How about time to Just SLOW DOWN.

Just Take it Easy.

Lack of motivation today.

Want to write something GREAT!

LOL.
Delusional.
LOL.

Barely think.

Can only do one thing at a time.
Keep it in the moment.

Enjoy the change.
Embrace the Change.

Because that is all there is.

Change.

Distractions.
Picking up the phone.
Scrolling to check.
Flick through this.
Flick through that.
Watching the wheel spin.
Update!
Why won’t you update?!
But, there is nothing new to see.
But I still try.
Maybe something new over here.
Nope.
Checking to see.
Checking to see what?
To check what?
I don’t know.
Nothing new.
All the same.
But, I need to check one more thing.
To check what?
To check my discomfort.
To put my discomfort in check.
But, I need to be…

Be STILL.

A good reminder from a friend earlier:

Food for thought this week:
You can only control you.
Focus on yourself this week and not what other people are doing.

Ok.
Fine.
Therefore, time to stop worrying about others.

I cannot control THEM!
I cannot control their Actions.
I cannot control their Beliefs.

But, I can control ME!
I can control my Actions.
I can control my beliefs.

I will set my FOCUS on Myself.
So, I can be better TOMORROW!

FOCUS!

Doubt.
Self-doubt.
So much doubt.
Can’t think.
Looking at blank page.
What does it even matter?
No one even reads anything anymore anyway.
All just short dopamine hits.
Therefore, no one will be reading this.
Self-doubt.
Self-pity.
What does it even matter?
It doesn’t matter what I do.
It doesn’t matter what I write.
Someone will always find fault.
So, I will do it anyway.
And Live My life.

Do what you want.