No writing for months.
Still angry at everyone.
Why?
Trying to please everyone.
Trying to please others.
No writing because of fear.
Stop pleasing.
I need to write.
To let it out.
If a tree falls in the woods and no one is there to hear it, does it still make a sound?
If I put words on a page and no one reads it, does it even matter?
What matters?
I matter.
You matter.
Your life matters.
Live YOUR life.
Time to Bloom!
Distractions.
Fear.
Always FEAR!
Just write.
Been reading some self-help books.
Well, actually been listening to self-help audio books.
But nonetheless, some thought experiments keep popping up.
Almost like the universe is trying to tell me something!
What if you lived your life as you wanted?
What if you lived your life true to yourself?
What if you lived your life without worrying about what others think?
What if you put YOU first?
What is the universe telling you?
And LIVE LIFE!
Ok.
Time to put some words on a blank page.
What am I so afraid of?
If I write and no one reads it, does it even matter?
Sure.
Yes.
It matters because it helps me!
To paraphrase a saying I heard….
Blues music doesn’t heal the listener, but the performer!
Here’s to some Blues!
Angry.
Depressed.
Rage.
Resentments.
Tired.
More depression.
What else is new?!
Breathe.
Get up.
Move.
Exercise.
Sometimes, I just need a kick in the pants.
Been feeling so down that I don’t even write.
But a little bit of movement gets me going!
Get out and move!
And LIVE!
No writing again.
Becoming a Habit.
A habit of fear.
Depressed.
Fear.
Resentment.
Anger.
Rage.
Envy.
But WHY?
It is spring!
Birds.
Trees.
Green leaves.
Color of flowers!
Sun.
LIFE!
Yes.
LIFE!
LIVE LIFE!
One month since writing.
Becoming a habit.
Habit of laziness.
Lazy.
Procrastination.
Sloth.
Lethargy.
Apathy.
Just don’t care.
Full of Self Doubt.
Self Loathing.
Depression?
Nah.
Not depression
I was sick.
Can I blame that?
Nah.
Fear?
Yea.
Fear.
Fear.
It’s always Fear.
So what?
What does it matter what other people think?
What does it matter what the outcome is?
LIVE YOUR LIFE!
Been working more.
Now a day off.
A day off to do what?
I don’t know.
I don’t know what to do.
I need to do something.
But why?
Why do I feel the need to DO something?
Why do anything?
Why not just do nothing?
Yes.
Nothing is good.
Time to just do nothing.
Time to just be.
Just be.
– “My poinsettia died.”
– “Well, did you water it?”
– “Oh…”
“Woke up and it was the last day of the year.
People all around acting pretty weird…”
– Youth Brigade
I used to listen to that band a lot and that song a while back.
A different city.
A different time.
What a long time ago that now feels.
Nostalgia for the past.
Still triggers memories.
Memories that I can’t re-live or go bak to
But still memories.
Good?
Bad?
I don’t know.
I shouldn’t judge.
“it’s in the past now” they say.
I do know it is a new year.
It’s not time to be looking back.
But…
Time to look forward.
