One month since writing.
Becoming a habit.
Habit of laziness.
Lazy.
Procrastination.
Sloth.
Lethargy.
Apathy.
Just don’t care.
Full of Self Doubt.
Self Loathing.
Depression?
Nah.
Not depression
I was sick.
Can I blame that?
Nah.
Fear?
Yea.
Fear.
Fear.
It’s always Fear.
So what?
What does it matter what other people think?
What does it matter what the outcome is?
LIVE YOUR LIFE!
Been working more.
Now a day off.
A day off to do what?
I don’t know.
I don’t know what to do.
I need to do something.
But why?
Why do I feel the need to DO something?
Why do anything?
Why not just do nothing?
Yes.
Nothing is good.
Time to just do nothing.
Time to just be.
Just be.
– “My poinsettia died.”
– “Well, did you water it?”
– “Oh…”
“Woke up and it was the last day of the year.
People all around acting pretty weird…”
– Youth Brigade
I used to listen to that band a lot and that song a while back.
A different city.
A different time.
What a long time ago that now feels.
Nostalgia for the past.
Still triggers memories.
Memories that I can’t re-live or go bak to
But still memories.
Good?
Bad?
I don’t know.
I shouldn’t judge.
“it’s in the past now” they say.
I do know it is a new year.
It’s not time to be looking back.
But…
Time to look forward.
Breathe.
Breathe.
Breathe.
Slow it down!
Was going to write slow.
But sow showed up on the page.
Typo.
But….
Sow.
What an interesting word.
Sow.
Definition says:
1 : to plant seed for growth especially by scattering
2 : to set something in motion : begin an enterprise
To set something in motion!
I like that!
What am I sowing?
Like obviously I am not a farmer.
But…
What I am putting to seed…
What am I planting for growth?
What am I setting in motion?
An analogy.
Obviously.
That requires thought.
Thought that I don’t want to deal with
So there it is ….
I am sowing nothing.
By unwilling to look at it, I am sowing nothing.
And by doing nothing, I get nothing.
Therefore, it is time to Sow.
And get something in motion!
Let’s sow!
And GROW!
My tummy hurts.
Maybe I should not eat so many french fries and chocolate milkshakes?
Or spicy food?
No!
Don’t’ take away my milkshakes!
Or my Mexican food!
Time to take a Tums.
What does it matter?
Full of Self-Doubt.
And Fear.
So much self-doubt.
That it is paralyzing.
Fear.
Time to get out and do something!
Face the Fear.
And LIVE!
Distractions.
All distractions.
Too many distractions.
Hesitate.
Wait.
Delay.
Erghhhhh.
Shake it off!
Focus on you.
Get IT done.
Whatever IT is.
Just do IT.
Do IT.
Get IT done!
Staring at a blank page.
Time to fill it up with greatness!
Delusional, right?
More like mediocre effort.
Why try?
Why put in any effort?
What does it even matter?
I don’t know.
I just know I need to write.
Keep on Keeping On!
At the airport
Trip done.
Friends seen.
Now sad.
Geographicals.
My whole life has been geographicals.
But that’s a bit of a hyperbole.
I hope it is hyperbole.
Moving here.
Moving there.
Moving.
Always moving.
Always moving
Never still.
Never staying put.
Never staying.
Just Stay.
Just Stay.
Just Stay.
Just stay.
