Self-doubt.
Fear.

Self-doubt.
Fear.

Self-doubt.
Fear.

Self-doubt.
Fear.

Mainly Self-Doubt.

I want to write something amazing.
To change the world!
Attention grabbing!
Something to go VIRAL!
To change the world!
Get my 15 minutes of FAME!

Lol.
Crazy thoughts!
Absolute lunacy!
Insane.
Just CRAZY!

Too much fear to let that happen!
What would I even do if that did happen?
Probably run and hide and be scared.

So, I will be content with writing the mundane.

And writing the boring.

And having Self-Doubt.

Frustrations.
Resentments.
Envy.
Jealousy.

Envy.
Jealousy.

Why?
Why?
Why?

Why is everyone getting ahead?

Scrolling through this.
Scrolling through that.

Scrolling through this.
Scrolling through that.

Everyone else is getting ahead.

Everyone else is doing something better.

Well, why not me?

Why am I not good enough?

Comparing to others.

Why am I not getting ahead?

Why am I stuck?

Just stuck.

Am I comfortable with who I am?

I don’t know.

But I am tired of looking at others.

Time to focus on me.

Time to turn off this crap.

I have what I need.

I am Enough.

Yes, that is it.

I am Enough.

And so are you.

You are Enough.

I need to write.

I want to write something AMAZING
Something to CHANGE the WORLD.
That is EGO talking there!
But I am just one man.
What can I even do?
But am I really even a MAN?
This is not a political statement.
Nothing to do with Gender or Pronouns.
But more of a question of how to LIVE?
What is a MAN?
Too much to even think about at this time.
I think I will just go hide.

And

Avoid.

I like music.

Creates a distraction.

Because the alternative is quiet.

And quiet is too loud.

I don’t know what I don’t know.

Recently told I am awkward.

I have blind spots.

Blind spots in my behavior.

Told I was weird.

Well, ok…  Thanks?

But that is just who I am!

Now what?

How to change?

Behaviors are so ingrained.

I don’t even notice.

Change happens little by little.

I am attached with who I am.

So it is hard to change.

Two steps forward.

One step back.

I just have to try.

Just try.

Just try.

It will be ok.

It will all be ok.

Be comfortable with who you are!

Up and down.
Up and down.
Up and down.

Ride the wave.
Enjoy the moment.

I was busy.
Now I am not.

When I am busy, I want to do nothing.
Now that I am doing nothing, I want to be busy.

ERGH!

Enjoy the moment.
But that is too hard.

Fantasy is easier!

Went on a double date.
It went ok.
Open to seeing her again.

Asked her out.
She said no.
But, she said it nicer than that.
Actually quite honest and nice.

But it still hurts.

Rejection.

Rejection hurts.

Fine!! I did not want to talk to you anyway!

At least I tried.
Back to page one.
Blank slate.

Time to get back at it.

Who wants to grab a coffee?
Maybe it should be something more exciting for a first date…

Who wants to go to the strip club?

Too much to do.

Enjoying the day.

Or am I?

Am I just procrastinating?

Well.  Yes.

I am always procrastinating.

But……. That’s not the point!

What is the point then?

I don’t know!

Up
Down
Up
Down
Up
Down.

Like a roller coaster my emotions are up and down.

I guess that is good.

Because what is the opposite?

A straight line.
A flat line.

A flat line like on the heart machine.

And there a flat line means death.

So up and down means life?

Maybe so.

Enjoy the ride.

Everyone is crazy.

Nuts.
Bonkers.
Nutters.
Insane.
Mad.
Looney.
Crazy.

What does it matter?

People do their own thing.

So what?
So what?
So what?

As the saying says:

“A ship is safe in the harbor.”

But, a ship is not built for the harbor.  It is built for the sea.

Time to get out to the sea.

And Live.

Out of work.

Well, not really.

No work is being scheduled.

Sitting around wasting time.

No income coming in.

Applying to other jobs.

Well, not really there either.

Too much work just to apply.

Too many hurdles and hoops.

All want a lot of experience for a basic job.

Plus what does $15/hr buy?

And you want me to film a video of myself to interview?

Ahh.. No thanks.

GTFO.

I think I will just go be a bum at the park.

Or, buy a lottery ticket.

Can’t I just hit the Lotto?