Fear.
Resentment.
Anger.
Worry.
Strife.
Envy.
Jealousy.

I want to write.
But what is the point? 

What’s the point?
What’s the point?
What’s the point?

That is the question. 

What is the POINT?
No one cares.
Nothing matters.

I genuinely want to write.
But does it even matter?

All I get is negative feedback.

Nothing I do matters anyway.
Self defeating.
Self Destructive.
Self Pity.

What, I can’t say that?
They say I can’t say that.
But who is they?

I attract what I say and think.
At least that is what THEY say.
But again, who is THEY?

I don’t want that.
I don’t want negativity.

Stay Positive!

Growth hurts.

Let’s GO!
HURRY UP!
Get it done!

Or as my former co-worker says….. Get it DID!

Hurry.
Hurry.
Hurry.

Always in a Hurry.

Ain’t nothing like a time crunch to get the HUSTLE going.

MOVE IT!
Time to make it Happen!

Wait….

Hold On.  

How about time to Just SLOW DOWN.

Just Take it Easy.

Lack of motivation today.

Want to write something GREAT!

LOL.
Delusional.
LOL.

Barely think.

Can only do one thing at a time.
Keep it in the moment.

Enjoy the change.
Embrace the Change.

Because that is all there is.

Change.

Distractions.
Picking up the phone.
Scrolling to check.
Flick through this.
Flick through that.
Watching the wheel spin.
Update!
Why won’t you update?!
But, there is nothing new to see.
But I still try.
Maybe something new over here.
Nope.
Checking to see.
Checking to see what?
To check what?
I don’t know.
Nothing new.
All the same.
But, I need to check one more thing.
To check what?
To check my discomfort.
To put my discomfort in check.
But, I need to be…

Be STILL.

A good reminder from a friend earlier:

Food for thought this week:
You can only control you.
Focus on yourself this week and not what other people are doing.

Ok.
Fine.
Therefore, time to stop worrying about others.

I cannot control THEM!
I cannot control their Actions.
I cannot control their Beliefs.

But, I can control ME!
I can control my Actions.
I can control my beliefs.

I will set my FOCUS on Myself.
So, I can be better TOMORROW!

FOCUS!

Doubt.
Self-doubt.
So much doubt.
Can’t think.
Looking at blank page.
What does it even matter?
No one even reads anything anymore anyway.
All just short dopamine hits.
Therefore, no one will be reading this.
Self-doubt.
Self-pity.
What does it even matter?
It doesn’t matter what I do.
It doesn’t matter what I write.
Someone will always find fault.
So, I will do it anyway.
And Live My life.

Do what you want.

Alter ego writing.

Writing to clear my head.

None of this is Real.

None of this is True.

Or is it?

What is True?

What is Real?

Am I even living the TRUTH?

Back at the page.

Ok let’s go.

But, What is the use?

Despondent.

Is that even the right word?

I don’t know.

What difference does it make?

What difference do I make?

I don’t know.

But I can’t say that; right?

I don’t know.
I don’t know.
I just don’t know.

What difference do I make?
Just one person within Billions.
But that is grandiose behavior to the extreme.

Because I don’t even matter if one out of a Billion.
This is a bit depressing.

At least it stopped raining.

Comfort.
Going to rain later.
I should get out and DO SOMETHING.
But I’m too comfortable.
Why move?
Lazy?
I don’t know.
I just lack the motivation.
I have comfort.
Makes it easy.
I should do something.
To get rid of the comfort?
Nah, Screw that!
I don’t want to be a monk.
Screw that.
There’s no comfort in that.

Resentful.
Envy.
Jealous.

Favoritism at work.

Screw this guy!!

Don’t worry about others they say.
Focus on myself they say.
Don’t worry, the universe will provide they say.
Trust the process they say.
Stay in my lane they say.

But what do I do if someone cuts me off in MY LANE?
This is MY LANE!

I want to retaliate.
But I won’t.
I am too tired.

Just let it be.

I guess I will just have to Trust The Process.